In all my life, I have not once seen the movie Hocus Pocus…well until now. Reaching into last month’s commentary archives, I thought I would share with you storytellers my unfiltered thoughts about the movie as I watched it for the first time! Grab some popcorn and maybe (definitely) a glass of wine, and let’s get Bette Midler to put a spell on us!
Genre: Family, Comedy, Fantasy | Release: July 16, 1993 | Director / Creator: Kenny Ortega | Starring: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy
After moving to Salem, Mass., teenager Max Dennison (Omri Katz) explores an abandoned house with his sister Dani (Thora Birch) and their new friend, Allison (Vinessa Shaw). After dismissing a story Allison tells as superstitious, Max accidentally frees a coven of evil witches (Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy) who used to live in the house. Now, with the help of a magical cat, the kids must steal the witches’ book of spells to stop them from becoming immortal.
SPOILERS AND LANGUAGE BELOW!
DO NOT CONTINUE UNLESS YOU HAVE WATCHED HOCUS POCUS OR YOU KNOW- LIKE SPOILERS.
IDK YOUR LIFE, SO DO YOU.
- KENNY ORTEGA?!?! WHAT TIME IS IT HALLOOWWEENNNN
- Why do all magic shows start with animals?
- LMAO THE ACTING
- So we gonna just run without shoes…I could never
- How his feet ain’t fucked up is beyond me
- Talk about exfoliation
- Yoooo this is the sister act lady!!!
- So you mean to tell me she left the work of god to become a witch…instead of a stripper?? Missed opportunity
- Well that was an awkward attempt
- They made him Salem the cat…
- We really hanging bitches on Disney?! Wild
- This dumbass said tubular
- Pardon me, Ice said tubular
- Woooowww climbing up stairs is really showing her
- Patiently waiting for someone to wake up these bitches
- Are we really gonna wake up some witches for pussy?
- Yes, yes we are
- I like how he pointed out to his crush that he was a virgin
- The Boldness in the 90s is unparalleled.
- Lmao they got the skin book
- Evidently witches can’t set foot in graveyards—noted
- Lmao these bitches have eight hours to get their shit or their dead
- THE BUS DRIVER WANTS A THREESOME OH MY GOD
- “It may take me a couple tries but I can put one in” 💀💀💀💀
- That dude got ran over and is ready to fucking go like he took pre-workout and cocaine together
- LMAO THEY REALLY BELIEVE HE IS THE DEVIL
- LMAOOOO these folks really telling everyone he is a virgin
- HAHAHAHA THIS COP!!!
- there goes dude boys fingers
- I really should keep snacks in my room
- Adults ain’t shit. If my kid told me this shit and willingly exposed their virginity in front of a bunch of people, I’d believe ’em–especially in ’93
- Sarah Jessica Parker is a horny witch
- We’re getting pre-HSM choreo!!!
- So this is what Kenny was up to before we got Sharpay
- LMAO the school is indeed a prison for children
- This gonna be some home alone type shit
- Wait…that was too easy
- Y’all just gonna think it’s gonna be over like that
- WE got thirty minutes left
- Shit about to pop
- I can feel it in my bones
- They are dumb as shit
- This bitch in a vacuum
- Lmao salt is the new garlic
- See folks? seasoning saves lives
- Salt would work if they stayed in the circle
- BILLY IS THE GOOD ZOMBIE
- We stan Billy
- Okay but is virginity going to be a running joke?
- First order of business of Allison and max—get to fucking
- This bitch been on holy ground so why is it taking forever for her to turn to stone
- Awe binx is free
- So what happened to all those kids waddling to the witches house? They still chillin outside?
- LMAO Those parents gonna be sore
- This show is wild
Have you seen Hocus Pocus? If so, what did you think?
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